After the last time when I chatted about the ways Self Esteem affects our lives, I happened past a video about another construction that we prefix with ‘Self’, the almost physical feeling of Self Control.

I recently overheard someone talk in a cafe about a friend’s inability to exercise any of this ethereal talent that we are all expected to be instant masters in applying. I am still wondering exactly how this person’s inability to exercise their ’self control’ affected them or their friend and I’ve got to admit to being strangely intrigued as to what form this ‘lack of self control’ took and exactly how it affected them.

Was it a food stuff that rendered them helpless to temptation or perhaps it surrounded a member (or members!) of the opposite sex, maybe it was alcohol or shopping or even it could have been violence, anger or even a crazy dance in the middle of a dance floor. I wonder!

So let’s think about it, what is ‘Self Control’? To me ‘Self Control’ is the ability to really want something and then deliberately not have it due to the perception that something negative will occur if you were to indulge. For instance, you see the chocolate cake, you really want the chocolate cake but you deny yourself the pleasure and exercise ’self control’ because you imagine that the cake will cause you to gain weight, inches or, god forbid, both!

This is great. For many of us we really do need this in certain places in our lives. That ‘just one for the road’ mentality or reaching the ‘point of no return’ have been the undoing of many an evening, relationship, diet, career or worse.

The problem about Self Control is that, in certain contexts, so many of us feel bad about what we’ve done whether we exercise ’self control’ or not!

What I mean is, we have the chocolate cake and we feel sh**ty because we will pile on those ounces or inches or we don’t have the chocolate cake and we feel sh**ty because it looked so bleeding delicious and we feel as if we missed out on the joy!!

Have you noticed the pattern? Self Control is only difficult because we focus on the pain that we have gained and the pleasure we have missed rather than the pleasure we will gain and the pain we have avoided.

So here’s something for you to start making Self Control easier;

1. Understand that the urge you are feeling has a positive intention and your mind believes it is helping and protecting you

yourself, “If I do this how will I feel about 30 seconds after it is done?”

3. Make a decision based on that

4. Focus your mind on the benefits of the choice you have made, accept the decision and move on

In practice; you see/smell/witness the chocolate cake and you are not even hungry. But, it looks goooood! Your mind quickly remembers all the pleasures it has had from cake in the past and therefore you begin to feel a motivation to have that pleasure again. It is understandable, isn’t it?

You ask yourself, “If I do this how will I feel about 30 seconds after it is done?”. You get the answer, ‘I will gain momentary pleasure from having the cake and after that I will feel sluggish, a come down off the sugar and I may even feel bagged up.’

You make the decision not to have it and feel good in the knowledge that you feel light, alert and you always have the opportunity to have the cake tomorrow.

Want to see this whole process in action and performed brilliantly (by most anyway!)? Click here to watch the most charming, incredible video and remember no marshmallows once it’s done!